This post began as "When using the office restroom, thou shalt not use an open stall next to a stall in use" - then I thought...this has got to be just me.
I have a whole set of bathroom neurosis, including (but not limited to) the fact that I cannot "perform" when surrounded. This particular issue only applies at the office, as I have no problem going to the bathroom at concerts, baseball games (Go Go White Sox) or other public functions. Hell, I drop trou and pee mid conversation with friends whilst on the phone. I pee with Matt in the same room brushing his teeth (sorry baby). It is only at work where I suddenly feel claustrophobic and get stage fright. In my world, urinal rules apply whilst at the office.
That said, I hereby present "KC's bathroom issues" in no particular order;
* I have a favorite stall at places I frequent and at work. This is typically the first stall in the row. I feel put off and more than a little annoyed when someone else occupies "my" stall.
* I spare no expense on toilet paper. Only the best for these buns. In college, I bought my own because I couldn't stand the tree bark they tried to pass off as TP.
* If, upon entering "my stall," I find that the previous occupant did not flush, I will grudgingly move onto the next stall rather than flush before use. If, in the same situation, the toilet is flushed but there are "mystery drops" on the seat, I will wipe them away with a "glove of TP" and proceed to use the stall. How does this even begin to make sense?
* I always wash my hands after using public restrooms and become agitated if I have to open the door inward to get out of the bathroom. If I just washed my hands, the last thing I want to do is touch the door handle. (I usually use a paper towel)
* I rarely wash my hands after using the toilet at home. (I do wash them before I handle food)
* Just the thought of port-a-pottys make me gag, yet I frequent outdoor concerts and festivals with alarming regularity.
* Dried up boy pee on that inner lip of the toilet is one of the nastiest things to clean. This is why I ask Matt to clean our bathroom on cleaning days. Thank God he does this without complaint.
* Similarly, Man whiskers aka beard shavings in the bathroom sink are also a point of contention. Meanwhile, I shed long hair all over the apartment like it's my job.
* Mystery moisture in restrooms is the thing of nightmares. People that put carpet in their bathrooms should be immediately institutionalized.
* Padded toilet seats terrify me, but not as much as fuzzy toilet lid carpets.
It's not easy being nuts.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
I'm glad you are finally able to put your nuerosis into the entertaining context of a blog, and not into driving your boyfriend insane.
BTW: poll for all that comment on this blog. What sounds worse to you? A few little whiskers in the bottom of a sink, or girlfriends hair & the hair of her animals all over the damn apartment.
Hey, hey now...I just ask that you spray down your whiskers into bathroom sink oblivion. Your hairs are poison. Mine are tokens of love and beauty.
As for the animal hair - consider it a bonus. It is delicious in both food and in life. A little piece of heaven for you to bring with you wherever you go.
Everyone else should be so lucky. ;-)
What makes your leftover shedded two foot long hairs better than my neat and trim razor stubble. My razor stubble is manly and proud! They are like little soldiers fortifying the sink. The only explanation I can make for your hair is that it may be the first signs of leprecy.
Also, Animal hair is not delicious - lay off the pipe!
YOURE DONE SON!!
KC, I share just about every single one of these neuroses. Performance anxiety plauges me, too - but it goes for places other than the office. I've never used a port-a-potty... don't even think I've ever been in one. I'm lucky enough to be the proud owner of the Bladder of Steel. BUT.... I can't believe you're a Sox fan!!! I'm crying on the inside. (In my blue and red Cubs shirt, of course.)
Beard trimmings are definitely worse than long girl hairs. I can't really explain it... they're just sick. Must be that ours really *are* tokens of love and beauty.
Awww..Becky you and Matt could get together and rain dance around all my Sox gear. It's cool though. While I may be a Sox fan, I would still cheer for a Chicago team that made it to the World Series.
(Just don't tell any of my Sox fan friends)
I hate the whiskers all over the sink, too, but honestly NOTHING compares to the issues I have with boy pee all over the bathroom. It.freaking.smells.
My dream bathroom would have a push button cleaning feature like the shower cleaner thing that sprays the shower down automatically. But it does the WHOLE room at once from the ceiling down!
Post a Comment