Great balls of fire

Back when Matt and I first started dating, he was a salesman for a popular energy drink. As part of his position, he drove around to stores all over the Chicago-land area. It was during this drive time that Matt came to notice a trend in some of the more rural areas - a trend which I still have not seen with my own eyes (though I desperately want to). It was described to me over the phone...

Matt: "So I was just in this store and - whoa! - that is the second pair of truck balls I have seen today"

Me: "um...huh?"

Matt: "You know, truck balls"

Me: "um...no?"

Matt: "Well, there isn't much to know - they are balls that hang off a truck's bumper"

Me: "Like beach balls?"

Matt: "If by beach balls you mean 'gigantic nutsack' - then yes."

Having never seen these "truck balls" with my own eyes, I did not believe Matt at all. Of course he was lying - how could that even be legal? I argued with him for a bit, but he was so persistent, I caved. I googled "truck balls."

What I found induced fits of laughter so strong - I couldn't speak. I was shocked!

Me: "People actually put these on their cars?"

Matt: "I am looking at a big 'ole brass pair right now"

More laughter - I was then to the point of tears. Seriously, didn't this violate some sort of indecent exposure law somewhere? Since I have still never seen these with my own eyes - a google image search lead me to this;


I was torn between disgust, awe, and jealousy - I kind of wanted a pair...just for kicks. My curiosity got the best of me, and I continued my search. I was hooked. Hell, I could be a Truck Ball Saleslady!

There were so many to choose from...

For that realistic flare, you can get flesh colored truck balls. I find it funny that the flesh color is of the Caucasian persuasion - I don't think any self respecting black man would put these NEAR his car.


There are also Camouflage truck balls for those occasions when you gotta show your junk, but don't want to scare off the critters.


For the patriotic American (pronounced Amur'cun by the Truck Ball owner), what better way to show your support for this USA than sportin' a pair of these puppies...Oh say can you see, baby.


Some may want to invest in a pair of truck balls, but are concerned for their safety. After all, what motorist could take their eyes off such glory? It could be dangerous. Well, never fear cautious 'nard enthusiast - these balls house break lights. Your loyal followers won't even have to take their eyes off your nuts to know when to slow down!


Some potential truck ballers may want to ease their way into truck ball showmanship. Why not start with your lawn mower, just to get a feel for all that extra awesomeness?


The balls make for great photo-ops...I mean, just looking at this set makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The only thing that could make this picture better is a power-mullet or a rat tail. Consider gathering the family around the yuletide truck nuts for your next Christmas card!



What about the ladies, you ask? How about her very own pink truck ball key chain? She will never forget the special day she receives this gift from her special someone. Every Kiss begins with Kay? No, my friends, every kiss begins with hot pink plastic testicles.


Wanna know what happens when the lady in the trailer next door gets some nice testes for Valentines day - and you don't get any for your old lady? Blue balls. That's right.



Have you seen these in your hometown?

If you were going to get a set of truck balls, what color would you get?