Friday, February 8, 2008

The Potty Patrol

When I first met Matt, one of the things that impressed me about him was the fact that he would always clean the bathroom at his apartment before I came over (It's the little things - right ladies?). So many men do not understand the importance of a clean bathroom. I have been over to male-inhabited apartments where, after using the restroom, I felt like I needed to soak myself in bleach and scrub off the nasty with some steel wool....and the smell...oh Sweet-Jesus, the smell. I shudder just to think about it.

Women, on the other hand, are anal (pun intended) about the cleanliness and smell of their home restrooms. We use plug-in air fresheners and reed diffusers for the illusion that our ass smells like cucumber-melon-apple-mango-pumpkin-spice. We put fluffy brightly colored rugs on the floor that match our meticulously hand-picked shower curtain. The soap dish matches the toothbrush holder which, in turn, matches the brightly colored rug. We buy designer soaps that are for show rather than use and we hide any deodorant, ointments, douche or tampons because we would rather die than for someone to see that we actually use such products.

We display our 15 bottles of lotion from Bath and Body works like trophies. Never mind that we got every bottle as a gift and that 3/4 of the bottles have never even been opened. Hell, we may not even like the smell of some of the lotions, but we will still exhibit our collection with pride. We buy the softest, most expensive towels for both display (to match the shower curtain, duh) and to dry our wet bodies after a long shower. After use of the towels, we gently fold them and drape them over the towel rack next to the sink.

We do all of these things, and yet, women's public restrooms are some of the most disgusting and vile places on earth. Is it because we keep our home restrooms so pristine?

I honestly cannot comprehend why a woman would wipe feces or snot on a restroom stall wall when the same woman would crucify her husband for leaving beard shavings in the sink at home. Even more disturbing is the fact that people behave this way at work. It boggles my mind why someone would use the restroom at their place of employment, urinate on the toilet seat, drop any and all used tp on the floor, not flush, leave the stall, wash their hands and return to their desk as though nothing ever happened. Do people get a rush out of being repulsive?

I don't like "away games" any more than the next gal, but if I have to make some #2 at the office, I do so as quickly and discreetly as possible while attempting to leave the least amount of trace evidence possible. I do this not only for my fellow employee, but also for myself. I just don't want to be around the nastiness the next time I have to go.

Ladies, we keep our restrooms at home so nice that we could eat off the toilet seat and sleep on the rug - our towels are nicer than hotel comforters. Can we join together and make a pact to keep our public restrooms at least clean enough to keep our gag reflex suppressed? We deserve to keep our bare asses free from mystery seat moisture! It's a Restroom Revolution! Who is with me?

6 comments:

Dr. Grumbles said...

OK, on the dirtiness of public female restrooms... I've worked with quite a few mentally unwell women. Trust me, they account for A LOT of that mess you see! I once had a disoriented patient pee on my leg from outright missing the toilet!

Oh, and children are allowed in the restrooms, too. They can be quite messy, especially when not supervised!

But I am all for revolution in anyone who should be able to do better!

KC said...

Oh believe me, I don't even begin to expect cleanliness out of a gas station bathroom. I work in an office of young advertising executives. If these people do not understand how to properly wipe and flush - I fear for the future of my industry. They know how - they just choose to be disgusting.

Anonymous said...

EEEwwww...grown ups should know better! I hate drips and errant hairs. ::gagging:: I wonder if its cellphones? They're so busy being yuppies they forget to flush? Groddy to the max! Did I just date myself? lol

paisana said...

i have to admit that my gastrointestinal issues have forced me to learn to go ... wherever I need to. I'm not opposed to making big, fat, disgusting dookie at work. I wish I could be. But I do manage to get it in the toilet.

Nice to read ya, by the way. I'm going to add you to my reader list. How's tricks?

Aunt Becky said...

Dude, I am so there. I've never understood how women get crap onto toilet seats.

I'm joining the revolution!

becky said...

A-freaking-men!! Very well said, and I'm 100% whole-heartedly with you, KC!