Thera-Flu is not helping my productivity

I bought the new David Sedaris book last week and I am so excited to read it - that I could shit. Seriously, I heart him with the warmth of 1,000 suns. My love is admittedly unnatural but I am unapologetic as he is without a doubt, my favorite author. The problem is that I am in the middle of reading a different book & I steadfastly refuse to put down the book I am reading until I am finished. (Don't get on me for reading Jodi Picoult - I like her and I don't care what you elitists say. So There. Ppptttbbbbb.)

In other news, I think I contracted The Bubonic Plague this weekend - so I am hopped up on cold meds and am borderline delirious. Sigh.

Results + The Friday Song

Thanks for your suggestions for a name for my scooter. Of course, I loved the highly innapropriate "Weenis" and "Bitch," but figured I should pick something a little more PG. Imagine me talking to my grandmother - telling her I was going to take "Weenis" out for a spin. Hilarious? Yes. Grandma safe? Abslutely not.

After much debate, I have decided to go with a musically influenced name for my Buddy Scooter. The final decision is "Buddy Holly." The thing already has "Buddy" written on it, so it was meant to be. Now if you don't mind, Buddy Holly and I are going to go for a ride...not fade away.

Weekend Update + Ask the Internet: Name my Scooter

I spent a lot of time on the new scooter this weekend. It was beautiful in Chicago on both Saturday and Sunday, which meant I was going to be out and about as much as possible.

Saturday was primarily speant hungover and aching, but I got it together around 2:30 (I know, I know) and met up with "The Gays" for some German Beer festival action. Let me tell you, you have not experienced fun until you rate the hotness of men in Lederhosen with a few catty gay men. Though I was not drinking (I was on a scooter - I'm not stupid), it ended up being a really good time.

Sunday, I woke up early and decided to spend the day out riding and exploring. The sun rewarded me for my efforts with one the most glorious farmer's tans in the history of all farmer's tans. Thing is, instead of a tan, it's more of a burn - a very painful, very red burn. I seriously look like I am wearing a flesh colored t-shirt with red arm warmers and a scarlet neck scarf. It is truly a sight to behold.

Even with the burn, the weekend treated me pretty well. I had some emotional moments (thanks for listening Becky), but the scooter has proven to be a very nice escape. There is only one thing left to do....and I need help. I want to name my scooter. People name boats and motorcycles all the time, so now it's my turn. The scooter is Seafoam Green and is a Genuine Scooter Company Buddy Scooter (125 cc).



As I understand it, most vehicles/boats are given women's names. However, I get the distinct feeling that my scooter is of the male persuasion. Perhaps it's because the model is a "Buddy," or maybe it's just because I like the idea of a man between my legs (Snap!). However, I am open to it's sex (look at me with all my filthy innuendos), it just needs a good name. Any suggestions?

It's the little things in life

Dudes...John Hiatt just played at my office. It's days like these when I really like my job. What other place can you get up from your desk, watch a living legend play 5 songs and then just go back to work? My phone is horrible for pictures, but he looks pretty good, huh?





And just in case you don't know who John Hiatt is...he sang/wrote many many songs that you know...you just never heard his name. For example;

Brokedown Palace

This Link was on my Google Hompage today under "How to of the Day."

Fitting, huh?

I need some serious fun this weekend.



Picture from marriedtothesea.com

My Buddy and Me

It seems as though owning my very own Stella was just not in the cards for me.

It started when I got to the dealer Saturday morning. I arrived 15 minutes before they were open and immediately began drooling over my Stella in the garage. She was beautiful. She still needed some cleaning up, but I was anxious. Before we did any paperwork, I asked to ride her to make sure that I would be able to deal with the manual transmission. I figured, I can drive stick in a car, how hard can this be? Turns out, it was really hard.

The guy began by detailing the start up process. Stella is essentially a total replica of the 1960's Vespas, and was made with all of the 1970's technology. In order to start Stella I had to;

a) Turn the key
b) Turn the Gas knob to "on"
c) Pull out the choke
d) Pull in the clutch
e) Give her gas (but not too much or too little)
f) Push the start button
g) Let her idle for a few minutes to warm up, paying close attention to the sound she makes - give her a little gas until it sounds right.

Basically, right off the bat, Stella was a temperamental little bitch. This was strike #1. Still, mesmerized by her beauty, I was convinced that I could learn to do this. I would just get used to it. She was worth it.

The guy showed me how to get her into first gear and I hopped on. I pulled in the clutch and switched her into first gear. I let up on the clutch and gave her a little gas. Stella hopped lurched forward about 10 feet and died. This was strike #2. I felt like an idiot, but maintained that I wanted this scooter and tried again. Again, I lurched forward, but the salesman said that was normal. "She gets moving pretty fast," he said. I was off - I headed down the road on my test drive, jerkily shifting gears and contemplating whether so much beauty was worth so much trouble. Stella was nothing like the Scooters I rode in Scooter school. Would I be able to get used to her?

I got the answer to my question at the next stop. Being new to Stella's pain in the ass mechanisms meant I was a little slow about the stop to start procedure. The driver behind me honked. Startled, I accidentally hit the foot brake (back wheel) just as I was giving Stella gas. She reared up in protest and I ended up in a position that could only be described as a pretty sweet "wheelie." I'm guessing it was a glorious sight to behold because everyone was watching me intently from their yards and homes. Panic set in and I reached for the kill switch, accidentally giving the Scooter more throttle as I tried to maintain some control. Stella lurched forward and I fell to my knees as the bike flew upwards and forwards through the intersection (it was residential) landing hard on the other side of the street. Strike #3.

I had crashed the scooter on the fucking test drive. I wish I had pictures to show you the damage, but you will just have to trust me when I tell you that I messed her up bad. I checked myself for damages first, I was fine. I scraped my knee up a bit, but it was the bike that I was concerned about. I picked Stella up off the street and got her started again. Luckily, she was still running and I took her back to the shop, embarrassed and feeling terrible about ruining a brand new scooter (a stupid bitch of a scooter, but still a brand new scooter).

Feeling horrible, I hung my head as the salesman assessed the damages I had inflicted on his beautiful merchandise. He touched the bumper (which had been re-located about 8 inches higher from where it was before I took off). First thing out of his mouth? "I have never seen anything like this before." Somehow, I managed to wreck the bike to the point where it shocked a person who has been selling and working on Scooters his whole life. This man has seen scooters after they have been hit by cars - and I managed to shock him.

When I do something stupid, apparently I do it with gusto. Need something ruined? I am available for children's birthday parties and bar mitzvahs.

The guy ended up being really great about the whole thing. He was more concerned about whether or not I was hurt than the condition of the bike and he ended up making me feel a little better about the whole incident. I offered to pay their $500 insurance deductible - and he accepted. I know I didn't have to, but it was the right thing to do. He even helped me pick out a scooter that was more my speed and let me take it on a test drive. He is a brave man.

I returned scooter #2 without incident and decided to go with a friendlier bike since Stella and I obviously just did not get along. Internet, meet my new "Buddy" Scooter.



I'm having it delivered. Somehow, I felt that I was maybe not quite ready to ride with the big boys yet. I'm going to practice near my apartment and maybe someday I can work my way up to something more temperamental. In a way, I think that the accident was a good thing. I was really determined to get the Stella and figure out how to ride her later. I was a bit over-confident and the results could have been a lot worse. The lesson may have cost me $500, but it was well worth it. Besides, the Buddy was super-affordable and even with my $500 "oops," I saved $800 overall by not getting the Stella.

By the way, I am taking applications for my Scooter gang. The accident obviously gives me extra "street cred," right? You wanna join?

For the cat people